IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.
You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.
Reblog to literally save a life
I’ve done this. I’m alive because of this.
My flat-mate’s date for the night was almost as drunk as her. She had passed out in her room and locked the door. He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex. He also demanded food because he was dealing with “whiskey dick”. He didn’t like the lack of food in the fridge. I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the “order” was taking. He took my phone, demanded they “hurry the fuck up”. Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report. Pressing charges wasn’t necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me. Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison. The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen.
This was 14 years ago.
Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can. The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:
“If he’s drunk say you want mushrooms.” I said I want extra mushrooms.
“If he’s threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.” I said I want onions.
She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if he’s blonde, black olives if he’s tall, extra large if he’s tall, etc.
They’ve heard this sort of coded call before. They’re trained for it. They will understand what you’re saying. Order the pizza.
Really though. I’m in training for dispatch and this was one of the first things they taught us. Pretend you’re talking to a friend or relative, pretend you’re ordering pizza, we’ll figure it out. We’ll word questions so you can answer in an easy, casual way. Please, just make the call and we will do everything we can to help you.
Reblog to save a life
Month: November 2017
Would you be screwed if you’re dealing with a Villain Bard who’s read the Evil Overlord’s Rule book on a daily basis?
Probably not. Depends on who he’s facing.
There is a problem with using the Evil Overlord’s Rule Book as a penultimate guide for domination. While some of the tips are a common sense case of just covering your bases, many of them are strategies. And EVERY strategy has a counter-strategy. Any plan can be planned around.
For instance: “44: I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.”
So, what’s to stop the heroes from doubling, or even tripling the overlord’s offer when confronted? Genre-Savviness is great and all, but as soon as someone finds out you’re genre-savvy, they can plan around it. This moment from Hellsing: Ultimate Abridged sounds like a joke from the wording, but it’s pretty much what a devising a counter-strategy is.
An example in fiction: In Netflix’s Sherlock, Moriarty dupes Sherlock because he knew him so well. Sherlock thought Moriarty painstakingly created a very elaborate strategy and program that was completely foolproof. But it was just a simple series of bribes and threats. As Moriarty puts it, “That’s your flaw Sherlock; you always want everything to be clever.”
Or an example in real life: My D&D series Welcome to the Show in Episode 5. Toonkritic has a good sense of presence and likes to show off his skills. Fair enough when he needs to inspire someone, but that also makes him vulnerable. I devised a trap where there was a large gap in the floor, and a piece of wood on the other side about long enough to serve as a bridge. But what I didn’t say was that the gap was merely an illusion spell, and there was also an invisible wall above the illusory gap that could be identified with an Arcana check or a Detect Magic spell. Everything unfolded as planned. Toon, realizing he had the highest jump check of the party, decided that “he had this” and jumped over the gap, hitting the wall and landing on the fake gap. We all had a good laugh in the end, but this is an example of what I’m talking about. If you know your target well enough, you can make them fall into any trap.
“Know thy enemy as you know yourself.”
-Sun Tzu
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