What I Want People (without ADHD) to Know About ADHD
for percy-jackson-and-the-end.
Disclaimer: Anything I am writing about is not necessarily criteria for symptoms of ADHD, nor is it reflective of all ADHDers experience. This is simply me trying to condense my experience in having this disorder my whole life, and finally being able to put a name to it.
LAYER ONE
ADHD is NOT a lack of Focus
ADHD is, first and foremost, not a lack of focus. It’s a lack of being able to direct focus. For example, there are things I could be doing right now instead of writing this post like cleaning, working on bills, etc, things I know I should be doing and rationalize that I should be, but I’m unable to take my focus off of this post.
Actually, a more apt description would that in trying to write this post alone I got distracted making noises to myself (hope, pope, mope, cope, nope…nope slope. Slope = y = mx +b. Is that how it goes? Let me research slope…) anyway, and then I got distracted thinking about relationships and i cant really remember how i ended up on that thought process…wait, just kidding. my friend commented about how we’re already dating (we are, I love you tre tomhardies), and then that got me thinking about relationships, which eventually caused me to remember that I was working on this post so i came back to it and here I am.
The thing about ADHD is, it’s not really a linear trajectory. You can’t track the beginning and end of something, the beginning of what you’re distracted by or where it all culminates. Eventually in a roundabout way you’ll end up back on task (if you’re lucky), but even when you do get on task you just sort of veer off from the main point you’re trying to get at. To be honest I couldn’t even tell you what I’m writing about this exact second.
My point is, is that ADHD isn’t a lack of focus. Because we CAN focus on things. In fact, we can focus on them intently (that’s called hyperfocus yay!) and we tend to only focus on things we find pleasurable and stimulating. For example, I find Tom Hardy extremely stimulating. I can focus on him for hours and hours beyond what’s appropriate. If I want to get dishes cleaned, vacuum, do some data entry…well you can forget about it. Because looking at 23445209234 gifs of Tom Hardy is infinitely more interesting to my brain than staying on task.
Let’s recap, though. This is NOT me consciously making the decision to get lost in that dangerous, glaring stare of Tom Hardy’s, or his infinitely bushy, possibly crumb-filled beard, but rather that the tasks I am desperately trying to focus on simply aren’t stimulating enough. That is, at my default state naturally, I just cannot focus on things that don’t excite me. I’d probably fall asleep, or space out. I’d stare blankly for 10 seconds and wonder what I’m doing and why I’m adding two numbers on a page together and forget what I’m doing as I’m doing it. I’ll make mistakes. I’ll probably stop a minute in and start daydreaming. I’ll find myself back on my phone or the internet, or decide that you know what? I JUST sat down but now is a brilliant time to go get a drink of water. And then I get to the fridge. And then I’m like, “Hm. I want some ice.” But THEN I don’t find ice. So I figure, “Shit well, Walgreens is right down the street. I’ll go get some ice it’s only five minutes.”
So I get to walgreens. I pick up some ice. But before I do I stop at a magazine stand and start desperately searching for Tom Hardy. He’s got to be on the cover somewhere. And then I pick up a magazine. I start reading. I’m fully engaged in what I’m reading, and then I remember I need ice.
And you get the idea. It’s like getting lost in cyclical distraction hell. It’s an infinite loop.
When ADHDers procrastinate I can guarantee you we aren’t consciously doing it.
Nine times out of ten, telling us “Just do it! Just get your work done now!” Doesn’t fucking help us.
Nine times out of ten telling us, “Just make a schedule for yourself. You’ll be fine!” Doesn’t fucking help us.
Nine times out of ten telling us, “Color code your work! It’ll help you focus on what you need to focus on and minimize distractions! Turn your music off! Put on calming music! Change your environment! Make sure your space is clean!” and so on and so forth doesn’t fucking help us.
Does that mean doing these things won’t alleviate symptoms? Won’t help you focus better? I mean, sure it can help.
But what I want someone without ADHD to understand is, that these coping methods alone will not fix our ADHD or not make us better able to focus and not be distracted. We are hardwired this way. This is not us making excuses. We are giving reasons as to why things are the way they are, an explanation for our behavior that truthfully, is more often than not, inexplicable.
We are driven by impulses and driven by a sudden interest and eagerness to learn things totally irrelevant to a task at hand.
And it’s not that we don’t want to do homework, or don’t want to enter bills. I do want to. I so desperately want to. It’s just that I cannot physically bring myself to do it. We get physically tired just trying to fulfill these basic everyday functions, the means to taking care of ourselves and our future because sitting down and trying to concentrate is like pulling teeth when your brain is being pulled in five different directions.
What I want people without ADHD to understand is, that if I could easily choose to get back on task, I would’ve done it by now. If it was simple as being able to just close my laptop and devoid myself of any distractions and sit still and just concentrate, I would done it by now. But it’s not.
I’ve had lectures in college where I was literally just supposed to sit there with nothing in front of me, couldn’t even draw, nothing. Because it was a discussion. I was just supposed to sit there and listen and contribute. You know what I did instead of listening, because I was forced to not have any kind of distraction whatsoever?
I fell asleep. I tuned out. I daydreamed. I fidgeted.
That’s what happens when I forcibly try to get myself to maintain attention on what I’m supposed to be paying attention to, and it always means I have to exert ten times the mental effort than someone without ADHD just to stay engaged.
So don’t take this disorder lightly. It’s not a joke, and it’s not just about the “Look, a squirrel!” stereotype.
This is really good. I’m just going to add my two cents that might only be a “me” thing since I have many hyperactive symptoms: in discussions, I stayed focused by participating in the discussions. A lot. When I wasn’t actually speaking in the discussion, I was imagining how I would respond to everyone else’s comments and questions. If I tried to just sit quietly and passively listen to a discussion, yes, I would space out, so I did not do that.
I always get really annoyed when people give the ‘oh look a squirrel’ comparison whenever I tell them about my ADHD.
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